Emotional Detachment.  Eliminating personal stakes. How would these two intentions for living change your life?

It’s simple. It’s about making choices for YOU and you alone.   And accepting that what is manifested and created is for YOU and you alone.  We can understand it in theory and intellectually, but what does it mean to live this way? To BE this way? To FEEL this?

Well, firstly, let’s talk about what these are NOT.  It’s about NOT making a choice based on another’s judgement.  It’s NOT in the expectation that if you choose something you will receive another’s love or acceptance.

It IS about looking inside first.  It IS about trusting yourself and knowing that the choices you make are because you LOVE you. Simple.

Let’s talk about Emotional Detachment.

To be detached emotionally does NOT mean we have no emotions, or hide our feelings.  It does NOT mean we do not feel love or compassion; it does not mean we are totally indifferent and show no care; it is only that we are not influenced or triggered by our surrounding circumstances, in particular, those wise and wonderful human beings who make up our relationships.

An emotional attachment is a situation where we perceive there to be a win and a lose.  Our emotional body believes, yet again and again, that we are ’supposed’ to receive a certain “high” feeling or positive response – and when it doesn’t occur, our emotions kick in, usually negative.

Perhaps our Ego kicks in because of this perceived loss or negative emotion and it chooses certain actions that bring on more suffering.  Our Ego loves to suffer.  It means IT gets to be in control and can continue to blind our Essence from seeing that in truth we have no need to suffer any longer.  Suffering is an illusion…it’s not something we were meant to create.  But sometimes love is far more feared and suffering more comfortable.

Being responsible for the choices we make is the key.  Imagine being conscious and a witness to what we are choosing so that it is based on our true purpose?  This is an ultimate freedom that we may begin to experience by releasing our personal stakes in life.

So what’s a personal stake?

A personal stake creates a situation quite similar to gambling.  There is a win and a lose.  It is black and white.  You lose some and you win some.  We live in a world of duality and when we have an expectation or perceived experience that we “should” win and NOT lose, then the personal stake is created and controls the outcome.

If only we allowed ourselves a moment to be detached from outside influences, once in a while, we would see the truth.  It means that I am choosing to do things, say things, or be a certain way because it comes from within, not because I think my mother or husband said it’s how I “should” be.  Or even my perceived perception that they are expecting me to be that way and so I act upon it !!!   Crazy stuff.

Having emotional detachment and eliminating personal stakes means having the FREEDOM to choose to create a life of joy and love because THAT is what drives us. Discovering what your values are and living by them.  Joy.  Love.  Passion.  Learning.  Family.  Abundance.  Health.  Spirituality.  Creativity.  Dance.  Children.  Teaching.  The list goes on and on.  There is no perfect value, only yours.  I often get asked “Who’s driving the bus?” when it looks like chaos is about to be unleashed and I’m questioning my life path….but the question I like to ask is “What is driving me?”

Because in reality, WE are NOT driving the bus! We are being driven by our Purpose – which has flow, integrity, love, freedom, beauty, joy, meaning and spirit (and so much more!). Our purpose is driving us even when we don’t think we know what our purpose is!!  BUT life will show you – in many many ways.  Taking conscious action is where we are able to guide the journey.

When we allow ourselves to let go, to truly release OTHERS (be it society, our parents, our siblings, our partners, our stories, our history, our right to have, our right to choose, etc.) and ALL those things OUTside of ourselves, then we begin to choose what, how, when, where and with whom we live our lives and become truly free.  Our purpose begins to show itself more and more.

Now you have the opportunity to eliminate and begin to dissolve the personal stakes you have in your life.  To look at and release the emotional attachments that create suffering.  Detach from the actions of another – in other words, remember that their actions have nothing to do with YOU – and that you hold the key to your freedom.  Allow yourself to be driven by one thing – your Purpose.  BE THE CHANGE.  And if you feel like you still have to ask the question, “What is my Purpose?”, well, at this point it doesn’t really matter.  Trying to figure it out means your Ego only wants more control, not flow.  It will show up, this is inevitable.

So be with the flow  Ride the wave.  Enjoy the ride of life in all its splendour.  Trust in the process.  Love the journey.  Embrace your freedom.  Live your Purpose.

With peace,

Marielle Smith

A poem dedicated to everyone and anyone who wishes to change their world.

Believe

Make believe You could be anything.
What would you become?
Consider the possibilities, consider your dreams.
Are you brave enough to let your mind go and let your spirit take control of your evolution?
Are you willing enough to live out on the edge?
All that you believe in, all that you hope for
can be within reach.
You must stop fighting.
You must stop resisting it.
For life needs the freedom to manifest and grow.
Take hold and steer your Self in a direction
of change, unlimited imagination, joy, contentment, happiness, and of course
Love.
You are an unlimited being with unlimited potential in an unlimited universe.
Envision yourself as this being, feel it at your core.
Feel yourself at the peak of contentment, so fulfilled and at peace.
Take a moment, raise your arms high and celebrate.
Make believe, and trust that you can be and do anything.
Believe.

By Marielle Smith

I invite you to try this exercise and see if it helps in the daily ride of emotional ups and downs - especially during Mercury retrograde….

“Walking the Wheel”: When you feel triggered by someone, take a step back and connect through Mind, Body, Emotion and Spirit by walking the wheel. In Aboriginal traditions it is the medicine wheel that they refer to. This is the basis for this exercise. Give the following a try when you become triggered or find yourself in conflict.

Ask each of your energetic bodies:

Mind: What am I being triggered by? Not “who”, but what action or behaviour of another person - its not the person’s fault that you are feeling something - you have ultimate control of your emotions.

Body: Where am I feeling it the most? How is it affecting my physical body? Are my shoulders up by my ears? Is my stomach in knots?

Emotion: What is it I am feeling? Name the emotion. Then give yourself permission to really FEEL this feeling – knowing full well that behind it is your power – and as divine beings, that power/strength ultimately comes from love.

Spirit: What is the truth about this situation? It is really an illusion, and I am learning something from this experience. I am and always will be perfect.

Of course this takes practice and presence of mind/body/emotion/spirit in each moment - but I know from experience that it works!!! You may need to say “Please excuse me for a moment, I need some time to reflect on this” and then go to a private space if you can. Even if you only choose one question to explore, it will help to release the “other” from blame and re-focus your attention in order to dissolve the conflict. Just taking the time for yourself will be worth the few minutes of reflection.

Email me if you need to ask questions or get clarification - it’s a pretty intense and experiential exercise, and it takes time to it anchor within your Self. (Believe me! I’m still practicing and probably will for a long time! But it’s fun….really.) Most of all, it takes an awareness that YOU are creating your life because you love you.

I create my reality from love. An easy, simple and true statement to live by. Try it, you’ll love it.

Well, it ain’t a horse!

Life sometimes feels like hard work….all the emotions that go through us each day can be challenging at times, but in truth, it’s the best kind of work there is…. because the reality is, it comes from LOVE. A trigger is a helpful nudge towards a lesson we have chosen to learn – sometimes over and over – and the emotions are a result of the trigger.

I can hear some of you saying it: “Yeah, right. I feel like when someone triggers me, and I get angry, or upset, my emotions ARE me, and I suffer from them. AND they are the ones who MAKE me feel those emotions!”

Well, it’s actually all an illusion. Our energetic “Emotional Body” is who owns and feels emotions, and when we resist the feelings, they tend to rear up and say “Hey! What about me!?”…and the triggers happen again and again to remind us to acknowledge our emotional body, and FEEL.

Here’s one way of looking at it. Emotions are like “window dressings” - the curtains hide the oops-I-forgot fact that YOU/we are truly powerful, divine and perfect. We’ve just conveniently created a small bout of amnesia and FORGOT that little detail. Emotions are NOT who we are, but in fact just a gauge for what is behind the drapery – which is your true power. And like I mentioned before, it all originates from Love.

Triggers are what motivates us to learn the life lessons we might be resisting – in essence we get ‘triggered’ (sometimes many times over!) by those we are in relationship with, from the bus driver to the teacher, from our soul mate to our children – and their ‘job’ is to remind us of what we came here to do in the first place – to Learn about ourselves. In truth, we are asking for these experiences to evolve spiritually.

OK…so what does this all mean? Well, it’s a new tool in our toolbox. If you know that you are ‘being triggered’, and it really has nothing to do with the other person, then sooner or later you’ll be able to make a different choice about how you wish to react. It will give you the opportunity to begin taking responsibility for your own Self, instead of blaming others. And lastly, its really just another perspective that helps us all on this great journey.